I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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