made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my shit smells like andre
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
