You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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