i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
