I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
