I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
