i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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