I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
