Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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