I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
