I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
