Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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