my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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