I CAN MOONWALK!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
