My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
