Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
