dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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