did you get engaged???
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
