It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
