I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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