They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
