I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
