I think i peed on brittanys purse
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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