Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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