I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
