I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
