alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
