my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
