member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
