I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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