This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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