i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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