I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
