ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it glows. i had to have it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
