Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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