All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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