he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize