the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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