Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
