and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
