My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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