Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
