I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm just crazy horny about you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
