foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
