I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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