I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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