you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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