I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
