if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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