I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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