pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i already hear my dad disowning me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
