if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
