I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize