Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we should paint friendship bongs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
