not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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