And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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