Non-Jews are for practice
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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