if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
