I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
