I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
