Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
