I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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