if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
