Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
