We named our party play list daddy issues
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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