the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am one with the molecules
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize