we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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