Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
