I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
