before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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