I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize