i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All the doctor said was why
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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