marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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