how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
