I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
