i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
