Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
