all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
