I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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