Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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