I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize