Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize